Sora the Scribe (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
cinnamonicles) wrote2006-08-11 02:30 pm
cinnamonicles) wrote2006-08-11 02:30 pm
Entry tags:
Fanfiction - Feizhi is NOT A BISEXUAL.
Title: Feizhi is NOT A BISEXUAL.
Fandom: Golden Sun.
Pairing: One-sided Feizhi/Mia, brief Feizhi/Isaac, very brief Zelos/Feizhi, and eventual Feizhi/Garet. But for the love of Alex's hair, don't take the pairings seriously.
Words: 3274.
Summary: Ah...um...Feizhi is not a bisexual?
Rating: Fairly high PG-13 for swearing, dirty jokes, and a heavily implied sex scene.
Notes: Done on a whim based on a meme thing an old friend did a while back. I'll be damned if I can remember exactly what the meme was. This contains a lot of inside jokes between us, so if you don't get any of it, don't feel stupid. Expect to see a lot of random cameos, with emphasis on "a lot" and "random."
“Miiiiiaaa!” Feizhi’s musical voice rang cheerfully throughout the old temple that the two lovers called home. “Sweet product of honeybees, I am home!”
No answer.
Feizhi skipped inside and looked around, her purple ponytail bouncing as she did so. The Xiannese beauty had just returned from a week-long training session with Master Hama, honing her chi abilities and her exotic dancing. As fruitful and entertaining as the week had undoubtedly been, Feizhi dearly missed her little mermaid. That is to say, her girlfriend Mia.
Her emerald eyes scanned the claustrophobic hallways for any sign of aqua. There were none to be had. “Mia?” she called again. “It is I, Feizhi! Where are you?”
Silence.
Feizhi cutely cocked her head to the side. “This is most perplexing,” she murmured to herself. “Surely it is not time for Mia’s ‘club of the book’ to meet already? No...that is not right. Mia has her club of the book on Tuesdays, and today is Wednesday.” She pondered this a bit more. “Perhaps she is out in the back feeding Alex? If she is, I do hope she has bathed him—he is in much need of gaily scented shampoo and conditioner.”
“Woof!” On cue, a petite white poodle trotted up to Feizhi and sat down in front of her, wagging its tail.
“Ah, Alex!” Feizhi scooped the dog up in her arms and nuzzled him. “Ooh, my precious little Alex, you smell like a gaofun after it has battled a renxia! Come, I shall give you a lovely bath of the bubbles!”
“Woof woof!”
Feizhi, humming cutely to herself, traversed the hallways of the temple, headed for the bathroom. But she stopped upon hearing...strange noises...coming from Mia’s room.
“Aaaaah!”
“Hehehe...”
“Nngh! You’re good!”
“What can I say? I had...hehe...a ‘good teacher.’”
“Rraaagh...come on...come on...”
Feizhi blinked. “What in the 24 Thunder Gods...?” She pressed her back against the door to listen more closely...
And promptly fell through the flimsy paper covering.
SHRSSSSH! CRASH!
“Eeeeeek!”
Alex whimpered as Feizhi flopped onto her back. He quickly scrambled off her.
“Nnngh...” Feizhi groaned and got to her knees, shaking her head.
A feminine gasp. “F-Feizhi!”
A masculine gasp. “Whoah...is that you, Sheena?”
A Feizhi gasp. “M-Mia!” she stuttered, jumping to her knees. “What is the meaning of this?”
Mia bit her lip. She was lying in the arms of a handsome young man with spiky brown hair. Both of them clutched black Gamecube controllers. On the TV screen in front of them flashed a paused battle between Ivy and Talim.
Tears welled up in Feizhi’s eyes. “But...but why?” she asked, pouting. “I thought our love was a most glorious one! We were so happy!”
“‘Were’ is the key word.” Mia looked away. “I’m sorry, Feizhi, but I just can’t be with someone who thinks Tales of Symphonia is the story of an impoverished orchestra attempting to save the world from evil Beanie Babies.”
Feizhi’s lower lip trembled. “Ohh...but my little mermaid...”
“No!” Mia draped herself sexually across Lloyd, who gave Mia a three-second dye job with a sudden nosebleed. “Only Lloyd can call me that now!” She fluttered her eyelashes coyly. “Isn’t that right, my prince?”
“...are you sure she’s not related to Sheena?”
Feizhi swallowed painfully. “If...if this must be so,” she whispered, trembling. “I wish...I wish only f-for...” Her eyes flashed red. “FOR YOU AND BOYD TO HAVE YOUR GASTROINTESTINAL SYSTEM TO BE OVERRUN BY JIHADIC TAPEWORMS BIGGER THAN A TIENFI!”
And with that, Feizhi turned and fled the room.
A pause.
Lloyd blinked. “...but my name’s Lloyd.”
Alex walked over and peed on Lloyd’s leg.
***
Blinded by her grief, Feizhi ran as far away as she could from the temple. She ran so far she ended up running into the heart of the nearby town. But she kept running...and running...and running...and eventually ran into Isaac.
Literally.
WHOMP!
“Whoah!” Isaac quickly caught Feizhi before she fell and turned her to face him. “Feizhi! What’s wrong? You’re crying!”
Feizhi sniffled. “It is...very horrible, warrior,” she said. “M-Mia...she is courting another!”
“You mean someone with testicles?”
Feizhi nodded. Her eyes flashed red again. “I do not understand!” she yelled, fists clenched. “I have been very generous to Mia! I gave her a home when she was a wandering concubine in the Xian district! I gave her my heart, my maidenhead, and my collection of Amy Brown paintings! I truly, truly loved her, more than the goddess of mercy Yuanxi loved turtles!” She grit her teeth. “Warrior, such ingratitude is blasphemous in Xiannese society! It cannot go unpunished!”
“Are you sure?” Isaac asked. “Do you still love Mia?”
“It is most unfortunate that my answer to that question is an affirmative.”
“But if you still love her...”
“It is because I love Mia that I must punish her!” Feizhi was frantic now. “Because my love for her is boundless, so too must her punishment be boundless! She will feel my pain like 24 suns roasting her—!”
“Say, you wouldn’t mind saving some of that punishment for the bedroom, would you?”
Feizhi blinked. “Pardon me?”
“You still seem mad.” Isaac winked. “Wanna come have some angry sex at my place?”
Feizhi stared at Isaac.
Isaac shrugged.
***
Later that night...
“Mmm...”
“Aaaah...oh!”
“Oh...oh, Feizhi...”
“Aaaaaagh...that...that feels most...ohhh...”
“Ohhh....oh, Gods, yes...”
“Harder....harder...”
“Rrghhh!”
“OH! Yes!”
“Nnngh...”
“Mmmm...”
“F-Feizhi!”
“Yes! Yes!”
“Nyaaaaugh!”
“Oh...OH! I am arriving! OHH, ROBIN, I AM ARRIIIIIVVVIIINNNGGG!”
“...but my name’s Isaac.”
***
The following morning, Feizhi groggily rolled out of Isaac’s bed. As Isaac snored the national anthem of Vale under the fluffy comforter, the young woman set out on a search for her underthings. She quickly found her candy-striped panties hanging on a bedpost at the foot of the bed, but her Wonderbra was nowhere in sight. She decided to improvise instead. She grabbed Isaac’s yellow scarf and tied it around her ample chest. After slipping back into her silky cheongsam and grabbing her purse, Feizhi left Isaac’s condo and headed out.
Last night’s angry sex session with Isaac had calmed Feizhi somewhat. If it wasn’t that, it was the fact that Feizhi had no home to go to that sobered the young woman. She couldn’t return to the temple now, not with Mia there. To face that angelic face hiding a devilish interior was something Feizhi just could not bear. There was the possibility that Mia might have left with her new love, but the thought was more painful than comforting. Feizhi decided to muse about her current options over some fast-food breakfast. Food was the one constant joy in her life.
Feizhi crossed the street to McDonald’s and waited her turn in line. She carefully studied the menu items, gauging the stomach-filling factor of each one.
“Hey, there,” crooned a smooth voice. “I think China’s missing its doll. Would that be you?”
Feizhi turned around. A young man with long red hair stood behind her, grinning like an idiot. “G-good morning, sir,” she stammered, not sure what to make of the situation.
“It’s only a good morning because you’re around,” he replied, winking. “What are you planning to get?”
Feizhi briefly glanced back at the illuminated menu. “Perhaps an Egg McMuffin?”
“Oh, really? ‘Cause you know...” The man waggled his eyebrows at her. “I wouldn’t mind having your egg on my muffin.”
“Why? Do you have a recipe for delicious muffins?”
“…sure! In fact, if you let me bake your muffins, I can butter ‘em right up!”
Feizhi brightened up. This man knew how to cook! Cooking ranked second in the constant joys in her life. “Glorious!” she bubbled. “Won’t you come join me for breaking the fast?”
“Oh, I’ll come all right,” the man said, smirking.
“Welcome ta McDonald’s, may ah take your ohrdah?” drawled Zero Gee, tired lids half-drooped over almond eyes.
“I shall be partaking of the Egg McMuffin meal!” Feizhi piped.
As Feizhi forked over the cash in exchange for her meal, the young man sidled up next to her. “So…what’s your name?”
“I am Feizhi. And yourself?”
“I’m ‘hot for you’!” The young man winked.
Feizhi tilted her head inquiringly.
“….ah, um, the name’s Wilder. Zelos Wilder, that is.”
Feizhi nodded.
“Here’s your ohrdah, doll.” Zero Gee handed over a grease-spotted paper bag and a coffee-filled foam cup. Feizhi took the items and headed on over to a free table, with Zelos trailing after her like a kimono sash.
Zelos slid into the seat across from her. “So, you come here often?” he asked, tearing off a piece of a hash brown.
Feizhi shook her head. “It is my first time visiting.”
“Well, then, perhaps I should show you around?” Zelos waggled his eyebrows at her again. “I can show you a lot more than ‘around,’ if you know what I mean.”
“I am not sure I do…”
“I’ll show you around, Zelos Wilder—around the damn block on a leash!” scowled a female voice.
Zelos turned around, sweatdropping. “Ahahaha…Sheena, what a pleasant surprise!”
Feizhi eyed the purple-haired quasi Asian girl standing menacingly behind Zelos with a gigantic mace in her porcelain hands. “Oh!” Feizhi said. “Is this your courting partner?”
Zelos snickered. “Actually—”
Sheena promptly brought the mace onto the top of Zelos’ skull.
WH-WHAM!
Zelos’ unconscious body slid off the chair and onto the brick floor.
A janitor passed by and swept him away with a red mop broom.
Sheena saluted Feizhi. “Sorry about that,” she said. “Just doing a bit of pest control, you know.”
“…phwee?”
Sheena took a sip from Feizhi’s coffee. “Did he bother you much?”
“Not at all.” Feizhi chewed on a bite of her Egg McMuffin and swallowed. “He was most gracious. He offered to instruct me in the art of baking muffins!”
Sheena snorted. “What, is that his pick-up line now? Man, he just gets lamer by the dozen.”
“Umm…”
“Well, I’ll be off now.” Sheena pulled a business card out of her bra and handed it to Feizhi. “Here’s my card. Sheena Fujibayashi, pervert hunter. If a guy’s giving you trouble, I’ll be there on the double!”
Feizhi smiled. “It is most kind of you.”
Sheena saluted again. She disappeared in a puff of pink smoke.
Feizhi’s smile faded. She slumped in her seat, resting her dainty chin on the table and staring at her half-eaten food. It was back to the dreary reality of dumphood. She’d hoped that getting cooking lessons from Zelos would take her mind off Mia, but since Sheena showed up with her pervert-control mace, that idea had jumped straight out the window. Despondent and pessimistic, Feizhi forced down the last of her breakfast and left McDonald’s.
She traveled down the sidewalk, gazing around her as she did so. She hadn’t traveled much to this part of town since she moved into the old temple a year or so ago—hot nights with Mia ensured constant presence at the temple. But as her eyes settled on the plethora of buildings in the area and the hum of people meandering the urban jungle, she wondered why she hadn’t come here more often. It was a very glorious feeling to blend into the crowd, to become one with a laidback, consumerist mindset. Feizhi observed its similarity to the feeling she got whenever she meditated at her father’s dojo. She wondered if that meant her father was a Republican.
Whatever Master Feh’s political leaning, Feizhi felt the sudden urge to walk into the next building she happened upon. It was called “Lilith’s Limber Limbs” and featured a beautiful redheaded female folded into a most peculiar shape grinning from a billboard atop the building.
The door set off a yin-yang wind chime as Feizhi stepped inside. It was a plain little place: low-ceilinged with incandescent lights and the occasional random piece of decoration. About three-fourths of the floor was covered with royal blue mats. Spandex-sporting young women were filing out sporadically from a back room and doing stretches on the mats.
“Can I help you?”
Feizhi looked over her shoulder. A purple-haired young woman in a white tank top and black leggings smiled back at her. “Uh…” Feizhi stammered.
“If you’re looking for Lilith, she’s out on her honeymoon right now,” the woman said, smirking. “Man, I can’t believe a girl that hot waited until marriage to get laid, and especially with that sexy mama of a boy toy! Woooo-wee!”
Feizhi blinked. Strange…this woman only had one eye, a larger-than-usual one right in the middle of her head. Yet she still looked normal, attractive even. “I…I’m just looking around,” Feizhi managed to squeak out.
“Heh…look all you want. It’s always nice to get new faces around here.” The woman extended a hand. “I’m the Wise One. That’s what everyone else calls me, anyway. My real name’s Leela.”
Feizhi took Leela’s hand. “I am Feizhi. It is nice to meet you.”
Leela—the “Wise One”—gestured around. “Are you interested in taking some pilates classes here?” she said.
Feizhi shook her head.
The Wise One regarded Feizhi curiously. “Why, you look absolutely miserable, child,” she said soothingly, guiding Feizhi to a chair. “Come, now, why don’t you tell the Wise One what’s on your mind.”
And oddly enough…Feizhi did. She described the details of the last 24 hours or so, starting with the initial discovery of Mia’s treachery, to the angry sex with Isaac (even providing the explicit content when prompted to do so by the Wise One), to the improvised brassiere and the encounter of a Zelos kind at McDonald’s barely 15 minutes earlier.
“Looks like you’ve had an interesting escapade,” the Wise One remarked when Feizhi finished.
Feizhi shrugged helplessly.
“Are you looking for someone else now, since Mia left you?”
Feizhi sighed. She fidgeted with her scarf-bra. “I truly do not know,” she said. “I am angered and saddened by this turn of events. I wish only to forget...even as I cling to dear memories of myself and Mia.”
“Well...” The Wise One clasped her hands together. “I’m sorry for your heartbreak, Feizhi. I’m a romantic, so stories like these make me want to write bad angst poetry about hearts getting trampled by rampaging elephants of jealousy or something equally sickly. Not only that, but I’ve gone through the same stuff you have, so I know how much it hurts. Here’s my advice, though. Don’t dwell on it too much at first. Just let yourself drift away. Lose yourself in something intoxicating and exciting, but keep it safe so you’ll be around later and sane enough to reflect fruitfully on your experiences.”
“Drift away...” Feizhi murmured.
The Wise One nodded. “I’m not saying to forget about what’s happened. That’s a bad idea that just comes back to bite you in the ass. I’m saying to just simmer down a bit and let your emotions level out.” She pointed across the street. “Or, you can unleash your anger on one of the gaming machines at that gaming arcade over there. You like video games?”
Feizhi’s heart clenched as she thought of Mia and her Tales of Symphonia.
“If you don’t, you’ll like it over there anyway. Got any quarters on you? Pop ‘em in the Mortal Kombat 4 machine and button-mash your way to quarter-broke-dom. You might not even get on the high score, but damn will it feel good.”
Feizhi stared thoughtfully at the aforementioned video arcade. Mia had always been gung-ho about video games, and Feizhi never understood why—she simply accepted it as a lovable quirk of hers. Now, listening to the Wise One, she began to wonder whether Mia had some issues of her own to channel into digital avatars. She stood up. “I am most grateful for your advice,” she told the Wise One. “I think I shall visit the arcade of videos right now.”
The Wise One smiled and waved as Feizhi left. “If you ever need anything, Lilith’s Limber Limbs is always open for you!” she called.
***
An hour later, Feizhi was happily fan-slashing her way to victory as Kitana on Mortal Kombat 4.
“Such a feeling of exhilaration!” she said in wonder. “I wonder why I had not discovered this before. Not only is it an excellent vessel for catharsis, but it is an interesting martial arts primer! I shall have to ask Master Hama about some of these fascinating techniques on here...”
“You looking for techniques? I’m a master at this game.”
Feizhi looked up.
A young man with spiky copper-colored hair stood next to her, watching the screen intently. He was dressed in Fubu and wearing an obnoxious gold chain with a giant diamond-studded letter “G” hanging from it. “I figured out some killer combos for that thing,” he said. “Must’ve spent at least $200 worth of quarters doing so, but it was worth it.”
“You are a master, you say?” Feizhi asked, intrigued. “Would you be willing to instruct me in your art, then?”
The young man grinned. “I’d be glad to!” He slid in the required two quarters, chose Sub-Zero as his character, and commenced the carnage.
***
“You are superbly talented!” Feizhi exclaimed after slurping down the last of her large Coke.
Garet smiled and took a cheese fry from the tray in the middle of the table. “I’ve been coming here since I was a little kid,” he said. “I was taught by the best, and now I’m part of the best.”
“Indeed, your hard work shows clearly in your form and style.” Feizhi smiled. “I will keep your lessons from today always in my heart.”
Garet simpered and scratched the back of his neck. “Aww...that’s real sweet of you, Feizhi. But it’s nothing, really.”
“It is commendable and worthy of honors! It would be a crime to not award you the merits you so deserve.”
“Hehehe...”
A companionable silence fell.
Garet finished off the last of the cheese fries.
Feizhi rummaged around in her handbag...and frowned. “Ohh...I have no more money,” she said, shaking her change purse. “All I have are nickels and pennies.”
Garet’s eyes lit up. “In that case...you wouldn’t mind coming over to my place for some overtime, would you?”
Feizhi gazed at Garet.
Garet chuckled. “I mean, you know...you don’t have to if you don’t want to, or if you’ve got other places to go. I totally understand. But it’s been fun playing with you. I can’t remember the last time I had this much fun with anyone. For a newbie, you sure are good.”
Feizhi blushed. “If I accompany you for this ‘overtime,’ will you teach me more of your techniques?”
“Gladly! I’ve been needing someone to pass down my ‘lessons’ to, but Kay thinks I’m an idiot and Aaron thinks I’m crazy.”
Feizhi took Garet’s arm as the two got up to leave. “They may think such things, but I think you must be a chosen of the gods, to possess the wisdom you do.”
Garet gave Feizhi an incredulous look. “Whoah...fucking royal!” he said, laughing. “I think we’ve got happy times ahead of us yet!”
Feizhi giggled. “It would seem so.”
As they headed out of the video arcade, Feizhi posed one last essential question to Garet.
“You would not happen to be fond of the ‘wrathful copulation,’ would you?”
Fandom: Golden Sun.
Pairing: One-sided Feizhi/Mia, brief Feizhi/Isaac, very brief Zelos/Feizhi, and eventual Feizhi/Garet. But for the love of Alex's hair, don't take the pairings seriously.
Words: 3274.
Summary: Ah...um...Feizhi is not a bisexual?
Rating: Fairly high PG-13 for swearing, dirty jokes, and a heavily implied sex scene.
Notes: Done on a whim based on a meme thing an old friend did a while back. I'll be damned if I can remember exactly what the meme was. This contains a lot of inside jokes between us, so if you don't get any of it, don't feel stupid. Expect to see a lot of random cameos, with emphasis on "a lot" and "random."
“Miiiiiaaa!” Feizhi’s musical voice rang cheerfully throughout the old temple that the two lovers called home. “Sweet product of honeybees, I am home!”
No answer.
Feizhi skipped inside and looked around, her purple ponytail bouncing as she did so. The Xiannese beauty had just returned from a week-long training session with Master Hama, honing her chi abilities and her exotic dancing. As fruitful and entertaining as the week had undoubtedly been, Feizhi dearly missed her little mermaid. That is to say, her girlfriend Mia.
Her emerald eyes scanned the claustrophobic hallways for any sign of aqua. There were none to be had. “Mia?” she called again. “It is I, Feizhi! Where are you?”
Silence.
Feizhi cutely cocked her head to the side. “This is most perplexing,” she murmured to herself. “Surely it is not time for Mia’s ‘club of the book’ to meet already? No...that is not right. Mia has her club of the book on Tuesdays, and today is Wednesday.” She pondered this a bit more. “Perhaps she is out in the back feeding Alex? If she is, I do hope she has bathed him—he is in much need of gaily scented shampoo and conditioner.”
“Woof!” On cue, a petite white poodle trotted up to Feizhi and sat down in front of her, wagging its tail.
“Ah, Alex!” Feizhi scooped the dog up in her arms and nuzzled him. “Ooh, my precious little Alex, you smell like a gaofun after it has battled a renxia! Come, I shall give you a lovely bath of the bubbles!”
“Woof woof!”
Feizhi, humming cutely to herself, traversed the hallways of the temple, headed for the bathroom. But she stopped upon hearing...strange noises...coming from Mia’s room.
“Aaaaah!”
“Hehehe...”
“Nngh! You’re good!”
“What can I say? I had...hehe...a ‘good teacher.’”
“Rraaagh...come on...come on...”
Feizhi blinked. “What in the 24 Thunder Gods...?” She pressed her back against the door to listen more closely...
And promptly fell through the flimsy paper covering.
SHRSSSSH! CRASH!
“Eeeeeek!”
Alex whimpered as Feizhi flopped onto her back. He quickly scrambled off her.
“Nnngh...” Feizhi groaned and got to her knees, shaking her head.
A feminine gasp. “F-Feizhi!”
A masculine gasp. “Whoah...is that you, Sheena?”
A Feizhi gasp. “M-Mia!” she stuttered, jumping to her knees. “What is the meaning of this?”
Mia bit her lip. She was lying in the arms of a handsome young man with spiky brown hair. Both of them clutched black Gamecube controllers. On the TV screen in front of them flashed a paused battle between Ivy and Talim.
Tears welled up in Feizhi’s eyes. “But...but why?” she asked, pouting. “I thought our love was a most glorious one! We were so happy!”
“‘Were’ is the key word.” Mia looked away. “I’m sorry, Feizhi, but I just can’t be with someone who thinks Tales of Symphonia is the story of an impoverished orchestra attempting to save the world from evil Beanie Babies.”
Feizhi’s lower lip trembled. “Ohh...but my little mermaid...”
“No!” Mia draped herself sexually across Lloyd, who gave Mia a three-second dye job with a sudden nosebleed. “Only Lloyd can call me that now!” She fluttered her eyelashes coyly. “Isn’t that right, my prince?”
“...are you sure she’s not related to Sheena?”
Feizhi swallowed painfully. “If...if this must be so,” she whispered, trembling. “I wish...I wish only f-for...” Her eyes flashed red. “FOR YOU AND BOYD TO HAVE YOUR GASTROINTESTINAL SYSTEM TO BE OVERRUN BY JIHADIC TAPEWORMS BIGGER THAN A TIENFI!”
And with that, Feizhi turned and fled the room.
A pause.
Lloyd blinked. “...but my name’s Lloyd.”
Alex walked over and peed on Lloyd’s leg.
***
Blinded by her grief, Feizhi ran as far away as she could from the temple. She ran so far she ended up running into the heart of the nearby town. But she kept running...and running...and running...and eventually ran into Isaac.
Literally.
WHOMP!
“Whoah!” Isaac quickly caught Feizhi before she fell and turned her to face him. “Feizhi! What’s wrong? You’re crying!”
Feizhi sniffled. “It is...very horrible, warrior,” she said. “M-Mia...she is courting another!”
“You mean someone with testicles?”
Feizhi nodded. Her eyes flashed red again. “I do not understand!” she yelled, fists clenched. “I have been very generous to Mia! I gave her a home when she was a wandering concubine in the Xian district! I gave her my heart, my maidenhead, and my collection of Amy Brown paintings! I truly, truly loved her, more than the goddess of mercy Yuanxi loved turtles!” She grit her teeth. “Warrior, such ingratitude is blasphemous in Xiannese society! It cannot go unpunished!”
“Are you sure?” Isaac asked. “Do you still love Mia?”
“It is most unfortunate that my answer to that question is an affirmative.”
“But if you still love her...”
“It is because I love Mia that I must punish her!” Feizhi was frantic now. “Because my love for her is boundless, so too must her punishment be boundless! She will feel my pain like 24 suns roasting her—!”
“Say, you wouldn’t mind saving some of that punishment for the bedroom, would you?”
Feizhi blinked. “Pardon me?”
“You still seem mad.” Isaac winked. “Wanna come have some angry sex at my place?”
Feizhi stared at Isaac.
Isaac shrugged.
***
Later that night...
“Mmm...”
“Aaaah...oh!”
“Oh...oh, Feizhi...”
“Aaaaaagh...that...that feels most...ohhh...”
“Ohhh....oh, Gods, yes...”
“Harder....harder...”
“Rrghhh!”
“OH! Yes!”
“Nnngh...”
“Mmmm...”
“F-Feizhi!”
“Yes! Yes!”
“Nyaaaaugh!”
“Oh...OH! I am arriving! OHH, ROBIN, I AM ARRIIIIIVVVIIINNNGGG!”
“...but my name’s Isaac.”
***
The following morning, Feizhi groggily rolled out of Isaac’s bed. As Isaac snored the national anthem of Vale under the fluffy comforter, the young woman set out on a search for her underthings. She quickly found her candy-striped panties hanging on a bedpost at the foot of the bed, but her Wonderbra was nowhere in sight. She decided to improvise instead. She grabbed Isaac’s yellow scarf and tied it around her ample chest. After slipping back into her silky cheongsam and grabbing her purse, Feizhi left Isaac’s condo and headed out.
Last night’s angry sex session with Isaac had calmed Feizhi somewhat. If it wasn’t that, it was the fact that Feizhi had no home to go to that sobered the young woman. She couldn’t return to the temple now, not with Mia there. To face that angelic face hiding a devilish interior was something Feizhi just could not bear. There was the possibility that Mia might have left with her new love, but the thought was more painful than comforting. Feizhi decided to muse about her current options over some fast-food breakfast. Food was the one constant joy in her life.
Feizhi crossed the street to McDonald’s and waited her turn in line. She carefully studied the menu items, gauging the stomach-filling factor of each one.
“Hey, there,” crooned a smooth voice. “I think China’s missing its doll. Would that be you?”
Feizhi turned around. A young man with long red hair stood behind her, grinning like an idiot. “G-good morning, sir,” she stammered, not sure what to make of the situation.
“It’s only a good morning because you’re around,” he replied, winking. “What are you planning to get?”
Feizhi briefly glanced back at the illuminated menu. “Perhaps an Egg McMuffin?”
“Oh, really? ‘Cause you know...” The man waggled his eyebrows at her. “I wouldn’t mind having your egg on my muffin.”
“Why? Do you have a recipe for delicious muffins?”
“…sure! In fact, if you let me bake your muffins, I can butter ‘em right up!”
Feizhi brightened up. This man knew how to cook! Cooking ranked second in the constant joys in her life. “Glorious!” she bubbled. “Won’t you come join me for breaking the fast?”
“Oh, I’ll come all right,” the man said, smirking.
“Welcome ta McDonald’s, may ah take your ohrdah?” drawled Zero Gee, tired lids half-drooped over almond eyes.
“I shall be partaking of the Egg McMuffin meal!” Feizhi piped.
As Feizhi forked over the cash in exchange for her meal, the young man sidled up next to her. “So…what’s your name?”
“I am Feizhi. And yourself?”
“I’m ‘hot for you’!” The young man winked.
Feizhi tilted her head inquiringly.
“….ah, um, the name’s Wilder. Zelos Wilder, that is.”
Feizhi nodded.
“Here’s your ohrdah, doll.” Zero Gee handed over a grease-spotted paper bag and a coffee-filled foam cup. Feizhi took the items and headed on over to a free table, with Zelos trailing after her like a kimono sash.
Zelos slid into the seat across from her. “So, you come here often?” he asked, tearing off a piece of a hash brown.
Feizhi shook her head. “It is my first time visiting.”
“Well, then, perhaps I should show you around?” Zelos waggled his eyebrows at her again. “I can show you a lot more than ‘around,’ if you know what I mean.”
“I am not sure I do…”
“I’ll show you around, Zelos Wilder—around the damn block on a leash!” scowled a female voice.
Zelos turned around, sweatdropping. “Ahahaha…Sheena, what a pleasant surprise!”
Feizhi eyed the purple-haired quasi Asian girl standing menacingly behind Zelos with a gigantic mace in her porcelain hands. “Oh!” Feizhi said. “Is this your courting partner?”
Zelos snickered. “Actually—”
Sheena promptly brought the mace onto the top of Zelos’ skull.
WH-WHAM!
Zelos’ unconscious body slid off the chair and onto the brick floor.
A janitor passed by and swept him away with a red mop broom.
Sheena saluted Feizhi. “Sorry about that,” she said. “Just doing a bit of pest control, you know.”
“…phwee?”
Sheena took a sip from Feizhi’s coffee. “Did he bother you much?”
“Not at all.” Feizhi chewed on a bite of her Egg McMuffin and swallowed. “He was most gracious. He offered to instruct me in the art of baking muffins!”
Sheena snorted. “What, is that his pick-up line now? Man, he just gets lamer by the dozen.”
“Umm…”
“Well, I’ll be off now.” Sheena pulled a business card out of her bra and handed it to Feizhi. “Here’s my card. Sheena Fujibayashi, pervert hunter. If a guy’s giving you trouble, I’ll be there on the double!”
Feizhi smiled. “It is most kind of you.”
Sheena saluted again. She disappeared in a puff of pink smoke.
Feizhi’s smile faded. She slumped in her seat, resting her dainty chin on the table and staring at her half-eaten food. It was back to the dreary reality of dumphood. She’d hoped that getting cooking lessons from Zelos would take her mind off Mia, but since Sheena showed up with her pervert-control mace, that idea had jumped straight out the window. Despondent and pessimistic, Feizhi forced down the last of her breakfast and left McDonald’s.
She traveled down the sidewalk, gazing around her as she did so. She hadn’t traveled much to this part of town since she moved into the old temple a year or so ago—hot nights with Mia ensured constant presence at the temple. But as her eyes settled on the plethora of buildings in the area and the hum of people meandering the urban jungle, she wondered why she hadn’t come here more often. It was a very glorious feeling to blend into the crowd, to become one with a laidback, consumerist mindset. Feizhi observed its similarity to the feeling she got whenever she meditated at her father’s dojo. She wondered if that meant her father was a Republican.
Whatever Master Feh’s political leaning, Feizhi felt the sudden urge to walk into the next building she happened upon. It was called “Lilith’s Limber Limbs” and featured a beautiful redheaded female folded into a most peculiar shape grinning from a billboard atop the building.
The door set off a yin-yang wind chime as Feizhi stepped inside. It was a plain little place: low-ceilinged with incandescent lights and the occasional random piece of decoration. About three-fourths of the floor was covered with royal blue mats. Spandex-sporting young women were filing out sporadically from a back room and doing stretches on the mats.
“Can I help you?”
Feizhi looked over her shoulder. A purple-haired young woman in a white tank top and black leggings smiled back at her. “Uh…” Feizhi stammered.
“If you’re looking for Lilith, she’s out on her honeymoon right now,” the woman said, smirking. “Man, I can’t believe a girl that hot waited until marriage to get laid, and especially with that sexy mama of a boy toy! Woooo-wee!”
Feizhi blinked. Strange…this woman only had one eye, a larger-than-usual one right in the middle of her head. Yet she still looked normal, attractive even. “I…I’m just looking around,” Feizhi managed to squeak out.
“Heh…look all you want. It’s always nice to get new faces around here.” The woman extended a hand. “I’m the Wise One. That’s what everyone else calls me, anyway. My real name’s Leela.”
Feizhi took Leela’s hand. “I am Feizhi. It is nice to meet you.”
Leela—the “Wise One”—gestured around. “Are you interested in taking some pilates classes here?” she said.
Feizhi shook her head.
The Wise One regarded Feizhi curiously. “Why, you look absolutely miserable, child,” she said soothingly, guiding Feizhi to a chair. “Come, now, why don’t you tell the Wise One what’s on your mind.”
And oddly enough…Feizhi did. She described the details of the last 24 hours or so, starting with the initial discovery of Mia’s treachery, to the angry sex with Isaac (even providing the explicit content when prompted to do so by the Wise One), to the improvised brassiere and the encounter of a Zelos kind at McDonald’s barely 15 minutes earlier.
“Looks like you’ve had an interesting escapade,” the Wise One remarked when Feizhi finished.
Feizhi shrugged helplessly.
“Are you looking for someone else now, since Mia left you?”
Feizhi sighed. She fidgeted with her scarf-bra. “I truly do not know,” she said. “I am angered and saddened by this turn of events. I wish only to forget...even as I cling to dear memories of myself and Mia.”
“Well...” The Wise One clasped her hands together. “I’m sorry for your heartbreak, Feizhi. I’m a romantic, so stories like these make me want to write bad angst poetry about hearts getting trampled by rampaging elephants of jealousy or something equally sickly. Not only that, but I’ve gone through the same stuff you have, so I know how much it hurts. Here’s my advice, though. Don’t dwell on it too much at first. Just let yourself drift away. Lose yourself in something intoxicating and exciting, but keep it safe so you’ll be around later and sane enough to reflect fruitfully on your experiences.”
“Drift away...” Feizhi murmured.
The Wise One nodded. “I’m not saying to forget about what’s happened. That’s a bad idea that just comes back to bite you in the ass. I’m saying to just simmer down a bit and let your emotions level out.” She pointed across the street. “Or, you can unleash your anger on one of the gaming machines at that gaming arcade over there. You like video games?”
Feizhi’s heart clenched as she thought of Mia and her Tales of Symphonia.
“If you don’t, you’ll like it over there anyway. Got any quarters on you? Pop ‘em in the Mortal Kombat 4 machine and button-mash your way to quarter-broke-dom. You might not even get on the high score, but damn will it feel good.”
Feizhi stared thoughtfully at the aforementioned video arcade. Mia had always been gung-ho about video games, and Feizhi never understood why—she simply accepted it as a lovable quirk of hers. Now, listening to the Wise One, she began to wonder whether Mia had some issues of her own to channel into digital avatars. She stood up. “I am most grateful for your advice,” she told the Wise One. “I think I shall visit the arcade of videos right now.”
The Wise One smiled and waved as Feizhi left. “If you ever need anything, Lilith’s Limber Limbs is always open for you!” she called.
***
An hour later, Feizhi was happily fan-slashing her way to victory as Kitana on Mortal Kombat 4.
“Such a feeling of exhilaration!” she said in wonder. “I wonder why I had not discovered this before. Not only is it an excellent vessel for catharsis, but it is an interesting martial arts primer! I shall have to ask Master Hama about some of these fascinating techniques on here...”
“You looking for techniques? I’m a master at this game.”
Feizhi looked up.
A young man with spiky copper-colored hair stood next to her, watching the screen intently. He was dressed in Fubu and wearing an obnoxious gold chain with a giant diamond-studded letter “G” hanging from it. “I figured out some killer combos for that thing,” he said. “Must’ve spent at least $200 worth of quarters doing so, but it was worth it.”
“You are a master, you say?” Feizhi asked, intrigued. “Would you be willing to instruct me in your art, then?”
The young man grinned. “I’d be glad to!” He slid in the required two quarters, chose Sub-Zero as his character, and commenced the carnage.
***
“You are superbly talented!” Feizhi exclaimed after slurping down the last of her large Coke.
Garet smiled and took a cheese fry from the tray in the middle of the table. “I’ve been coming here since I was a little kid,” he said. “I was taught by the best, and now I’m part of the best.”
“Indeed, your hard work shows clearly in your form and style.” Feizhi smiled. “I will keep your lessons from today always in my heart.”
Garet simpered and scratched the back of his neck. “Aww...that’s real sweet of you, Feizhi. But it’s nothing, really.”
“It is commendable and worthy of honors! It would be a crime to not award you the merits you so deserve.”
“Hehehe...”
A companionable silence fell.
Garet finished off the last of the cheese fries.
Feizhi rummaged around in her handbag...and frowned. “Ohh...I have no more money,” she said, shaking her change purse. “All I have are nickels and pennies.”
Garet’s eyes lit up. “In that case...you wouldn’t mind coming over to my place for some overtime, would you?”
Feizhi gazed at Garet.
Garet chuckled. “I mean, you know...you don’t have to if you don’t want to, or if you’ve got other places to go. I totally understand. But it’s been fun playing with you. I can’t remember the last time I had this much fun with anyone. For a newbie, you sure are good.”
Feizhi blushed. “If I accompany you for this ‘overtime,’ will you teach me more of your techniques?”
“Gladly! I’ve been needing someone to pass down my ‘lessons’ to, but Kay thinks I’m an idiot and Aaron thinks I’m crazy.”
Feizhi took Garet’s arm as the two got up to leave. “They may think such things, but I think you must be a chosen of the gods, to possess the wisdom you do.”
Garet gave Feizhi an incredulous look. “Whoah...fucking royal!” he said, laughing. “I think we’ve got happy times ahead of us yet!”
Feizhi giggled. “It would seem so.”
As they headed out of the video arcade, Feizhi posed one last essential question to Garet.
“You would not happen to be fond of the ‘wrathful copulation,’ would you?”